I have a bone to pick with you Disney! I’m not at all a fan of your classic princesses. I brought this up with a couple of ladies in my office and they all looked at me like I’d grown a second head. And well I guess, in a way, I did and still am. My body is busy growing all of the tiny parts that go with a tiny baby so I possibly could have picked a better analogy here. But there you have it. Second head. Boomsauce.
I grew up on the classic Disney princesses on VHS. I wanted to grow up to be just like Belle, to fall in love at first sight like Cinderella, to be rescued by a handsome prince like Snow White, and to live happily ever after! Forget about what happened after, I just didn’t have to ask questions like that because Disney couldn’t possibly steer me wrong about my Prince Charming. When I got older I realized that all these fairy tales lead me to do was wallow in my unhealthy relationships waiting for some prince to come rescue me. It took me a long time to realize that I was the hero of my story and no white knight was going to hear my sad tale and hop on a white steed to come to my rescue. Quite frankly, as much I love those classic fairy tales and think they’re beautiful artistic pieces of cinema history, I really don’t enjoy their stories anymore. Especially after reading the Grim and Han Christian Andersen versions. So let’s break down the lessons of the princesses that I grew up with and take a look after the magic fairy dust has settled down!
If you’re not able to catch the eye of the guy you’re crushing on, then just give up who you are! That’s what Ariel chose to do. There’s apparently something wrong with teaching girls to love who they are.
Love at First Sight = Happily Ever After Every Time!
If a handsome man kisses you out of a deep slumber or dances with you at a ball, you should definitely marry him! The next day if that fits into your schedule of cleaning and spinning. He’s obviously not some serial killer or abusive drunk because guys like Dexter don’t ride around looking for maidens to kiss. Cinderella, Aurora, and Snow White couldn’t have taken all of the non-serial killer kissers, could they?
Lies, Love, and Lies
Don’t worry ladies, if a guy has to lie to you to get close to you it just shows how much he truly loves you. Isn’t that right Jasmine?
He’s Only Grumpy When He’s a Beast
Oh don’t worry, whatever a guy does while under a curse should immediately be forgiven and forgotten the minute the spell is broken. It’s not like they told Belle that being a jerk was the whole reason for the curse in the first place….
Okay, okay, this is all in good fun. (Seriously, when did I become such a feminist??) I do have to come clean with something. While I didn’t marry my husband the day after we met, we did get hitched after only 5 weeks of dating. I’m all for the modern arranged marriage because frankly looking for my own beau was just exhausting. I guess in that light, and that light only, I am a bit of a Disney Princess. I’ll admit that these princesses do teach other lessons when you block out the love story: to be brave and loyal when it’s most difficult, to be kind to those that would do you harm, to stand up for what you believe is right, and many other wonderful lessons. With any luck, future princesses will be like Mulan, Meg, and Merida who seem to have their priorities right. Girls with “M” names usually do!